A Tail Told by Lazerpoodle

During the wee small hours of the morning, we were awakened by a nearly simultaneous combustion of hideously ear-shattering noises! Our Poodles were barking wildly! Lassie warning Timmy of Armageddon could not have barked any louder! And, the smoke alarm was wailing like a banshee.

"Probably just the battery!" said the hub. "Well, I smell smoke!" said your correspondent. "Freaking-fracking phooey!" said the groggy hub. "Better check the kitchen!" said your correspondent. "Freaking-fracking phooey!" said the groggy hub, while staggering down the hallway with the Poodles in Full Prance Formation at his heels.

The next noise, under the din of the barking dogs and the smoke alarm, was the sound of hysterical laughter from the kitchen. "Come see this! Come see this, Lazer! You won't believe it! Our ice is on fire! Our ice is on fire!"

We had a brand new fridge with an automatic icemaker. Every morning at about 3 AM, we'd all gotten used to the diabolical noise of the silly machine cranking out ice for the next day. But, firey tropical drinks were not our speed. We like iced tea, sure. This, however, was ridiculous!

I ran down to the kitchen. The sight of ice on fire at 3 AM, while smoke poured from a frozen chicken, is more than my writing skills can describe. We pulled the new fridge from the wall. We unpluged it and we smothered the ice maker with melted ice. Yes, we did. The smoking chicken would just have to fend for itself. Our Poodles were in a frenzy of joy and delight at this extra special bonus play time! They were running in circles of glee! Puddles and chicken and mayhem, it was exactly the Poodle's favorite sort of event.

I called the fire station. I said "Hello, our ice was on fire. We pulled the plug. There is no more smoke, except from the chicken. Is there anything else we should do?"

The fireman said "Lady, is this a crank call?" He was laughing. I took that as a good sign.

I said "Sir, the ice maker in our brand new fridge must have caught on fire. Our Smoke Alarm Poodles woke us up. So, we were able to put out the fire with the melted ice."

The firman said "I don't think we need to come out, but I want to see this! We're coming over. We'll just bring the small truck."

I said "Oh, please don't bother. I simply wanted to check if there is anything else we should do. Don't sound your sirens, if you do come. You'll wake the neighbors. And besides, I'm cooking a chicken."

Well, that was all they needed. Within five minutes, here came the firemen. Small truck. No sirens. But in full gear. The Poodles went wild!

The firemen (two) came in. One said "I smell chicken in wine and garlic sauce!" The other said "Oh, Mike. You just ate! Where's the icemaker, Lady?

I lead them to the kitchen. "Yummm!" said Mike. "Oh my gosh!" said the other guy, "The icemaker really did catch on fire!" Just then, my husband popped out from behind the fridge and he said "Would you guys like a drink? Sorry, but we have no ice!"

At this point, there was some serious back-slapping and general hilarity. One of our Poodles, a particularly non violent type, really loathed handshaking and back-slapping between her Alpha and those who were not in her pack. She seemed to think of such interactions as unwarranted aggression.

This one Poodle had about enough. She'd reached her limit, watching these strangely clad humans in her house handshaking and smelling her own personal chicken! It was clear that this Poodle generally thought badly of all such untoward warmth.

I saw it coming. Our smokey blue, seven pound Poodle lowered her head and she charged at Mike; the happy handshaker and the would-be chicken eater, her teeth bared! She growled a warning and promptly sunk her canines into Mike's left boot, where she hung on like a bulldog!

Mike said "John! I'm being attacked! Let's call the police!" The other fireman roared and said "Mike, they wouldn't believe it! What do you want me to say 'A killer Toy Poodle has attached itself to my buddy's boot, while we were putting out an ice fire?'" "Yes!, said John, "And, tell them to bring the 'Jaws Of Life!'"

I pried the dog off the fireman's boot. My husband served John and Mike semi cool cola and we all sat down in the living room (the killer Poodle in the lap of the bite-ee) to jaw a while. We thanked the firemen for stopping by and they left laughing but, ever so quietly and without any sirens.

And, then at 4:30 AM, we dined on the most delicious smoked chicken. As the sun came up and we were going back to bed, my husband said "All right, I'll flip you for which one of us has to call the appliance store with this story."

We fed the Poodles some white meat from close to the bone (Not Mike's) as a reward for their barking beyond the call of doggie duty and then we went back to sleep. One never knows what might happen! Barking Smoke Alarm Poodles often have a good point, is my point, I suppose. Little heart melters and ice breakers, aren't they, though? ROFL

LP~

Copyright © 1998, 2001 by Elle Pea. Reprinted with permission of the author.