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A Tail Told by JD
The 1998 New Year's Resolutions Of
Our Favorite Breeds
German Shepherds: To forever end walking on
their butts during sanctioned AKC beauty pageants and
bite the boogers out of any breeder(s) who insists upon
breeding for that stupid angulation of the hind quarters.
Doberman Pinschers: To beef up, bulk up and
lose that fearful look in their eyes so often seen by
today's Beverly Hills fashion breeder and return to
the proud working dog heritage from which they came.
Rottweilers: To bite the beejees out of Dan
Blather, Tom Brokejaw, Dick Jennings and any other irresponsible
journalists that portrays Rottweilers as being dogs
of mass destruction.
Pit Bulls (AmStaffs, AmPit Bull Terriers, etc):
To back up the Rottweiler in biting irresponsible journalists
and in the meantime, the pit bulls resolve to include
the genitals of drug dealers and outlaw bikers who keep
them as "watch dogs" in their daily diet of
kibbles and bits.
Dalmatians: To form a "Dream Team"
of attorneys to sue Disney in order to prevent any more
"101 Dalmatian" types of movies or TV shows
from ever being produced again. Also, the Dalmatians
resolve to gather 101 of their breed to collectively
whizz on the tires of the CEO of Disney's Rolls Royce.
Chocolate Labs: To distance themselves from
their unfortunate brethren who is sentenced to serve
time at the White House under the glare of public scrutiny.
Copyright © 1998, 2001 by JD Kinman.
Reprinted with permission of the author.
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